I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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