Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
