She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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