i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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