when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize