Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
