Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
