Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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