The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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