So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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