there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
