R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I sprained my soul last night
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
