we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
