Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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