But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
