Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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