Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
