I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
