She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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