I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my liver is dry heaving
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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