Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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