So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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