I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
