iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
