I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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