I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
