I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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