So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
