how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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