and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
