I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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