a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
