Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
