Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
