For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
