So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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