so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize