even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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