i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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