look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
