do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
