Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
