If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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