I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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