He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
