I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
