Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
