I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
