You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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