i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry about my life...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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