The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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