Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
