:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
