Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
