Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
