oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
