I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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