maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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