Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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