where does the pee come out of this thing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
