imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
