Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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