after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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