just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
True strength comes from lack of pants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize