As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
