There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize