he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
