well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
