ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
