oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
