Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
