Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize