I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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