I didn't shave. On purpose
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
