He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You are the jesus of drinking
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
