hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I could fuck to npr.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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