you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize