this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
