I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
