You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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