Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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