yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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