we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
