She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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