I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
