Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am mentally ready for anal.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
