I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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