Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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