U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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