I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
