Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
