I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize