we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
