i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
