I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How external is "for external use only"?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
