We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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