I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
