I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
