She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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